It’s so hard

by Avishkar Parmananden Govender

It’s so hard to get black African women to participate in things, just to start you have to issue two invitations per person, one for the woman herself, and one for whomsoever’s hair she’s wearing. Otherwise what you end up with is a vacant-dolly that’s chasing the buffet line. It’s really ridiculous. And let’s say that two invitations per person were issued, how do you get the invitation for the woman herself right, is it in her name, her formal name, her informal name or is it in the name she calls herself?

But this is all just conjecture, the real problem is in inviting whomsoever’s hair she’s wearing. If its a wig or a weave, was it sourced from one polyester bale off a design from one person? If not how do you determine who to invite? If it’s braids or dreadlocks, how do you identify the source, given the chemical-textile mix makes identifying the single source of origin damn near impossible.

Hypothetically this problem could be solved if the wig, weave, braids and/or dreadlocks were claimed as a product of just one person, regardless of where they originated, then you just invite the person herself, and the supplier of the hair extension, simple. And for all intents and purposes, the hairdresser should be able to tell the woman, whose hair extension she’s wearing.

And let’s be honest, the average black African woman is not buying genuine or real human hair to be woven into her Afro, that just costs too much, it does however make the identifying of the source of the hair extension that much easier, so that you know who to invite. Nonetheless the average hairdresser and average black African woman don’t deal in genuine or real human hair extensions. It’s not impossible, it’s just expensive.

However all this is simply the background to a raging debate about why black African women are such ardent fans of hair extensions. The real discussion centres on a promise of something. Something intangible, peculiar and downright bizarre. You see, if you buy genuine or real human hair extensions, the Chinese, Indian, South American or European witchdoctors, who sell such things to hairdressers and haircare wholesalers, promise that the “power” of the woman, who’s hair it is, will be transferred to the woman receiving the genuine or real human hair extension.

Now the African and American witchdoctors who know the hairdressers and haircare wholesalers buying these genuine or real human hair extensions, spin this promise a somewhat different way. They claim that the black African woman is “stupid” or uneducated; and that they will become “clever” or educated, like the Chinese, Indian, South American or European woman, who’s hair it is.

In third world countries where a small rich elite can afford genuine or real human hair extensions, such promises are well received and such custom is well patronised. However in third world countries where a large poor mass cannot afford anything resembling opportunity, these promises and customs have to be adapted towards and for the economic profile of the nature of the existing demand.

What this means, is that there are hordes of customers wanting to realise the promise of a better educated “clever” power, but who unfortunately cannot afford genuine or real human hair extensions. Thus the market has provided polyester replacements. Similar looking, at a fraction of the price, and available as wigs, weaves, braids and dreadlocks, these polyester replacements are the bulk of the hair extension product market.

But what about the Juju? That is what about the promise of the power and of the “clever” and educated result? It stands to reason that while genuine or real human hair extensions bring with them “clever” or educated animal Juju, that the polyester replacements should also convey some form of “clever” or educated animal Juju, albeit not the same. And this is true, in the dealings between African and American witchdoctors and hairdressers and haircare wholesalers, who ply the trade of polyester hair extensions.

Let’s look at this for a moment, at the price charged at the retail level for polyester hair extensions, the animal Juju which could be conveyed to effect the power and the “clever” and educated result, would ultimately be made from, in ascending order of precedence and prestige, Rubbish, Dirt, Trash, Filth, Garbage, Waste, Sewage, Effluent, Slime, Grime, Faeces, Fæces, Faecal Matter, Fæcal Matter, Cockroach, Cockroaches, Housefly and/or Houseflies. This means that, within this system of polyester hair extensions, there is some variation of what kind of power and of what kind of “clever” and educated is conveyed. This would simply be in the price charged for the service provided.

The problem with this is that the witchdoctors use drugs, to induce delusions, to make it seem like they are providing higher order animal Juju, sometimes even human, and that the hairdressers and haircare wholesalers use larceny, narcissism and sarcasm to justify and embellish the promises of the power, “clever” and educated result; that they portend to convey through the instance of the polyester hair extensions.

This brings us back to the earlier discussion about whom to invite, and the assumption that someone took ownership of the product, regardless of its origin. That would mean that you would invite the person herself and the hair extension product owner, and in so doing you would invite the whole of the black African woman, in toto as it were.

That seems to have solved the problem, or has it? One problem with this is that the hair extension product owner may not be an active part of the Juju that is conveyed, this is particularly true where other variations of witchdoctoring are practiced – that is where Juju is not called Juju. But this not the biggest problem. Let’s say hypothetically that the hair extension product owner is an active part of the Juju which is conveyed, now the problem is whether the Juju conveyed can deliver on the promise of the power and of the “clever” and educated, or not?

Looking beyond the drug-induced delusions and sifting out the larceny, narcissism and sarcasm; it remains that, in ascending order of precedence and prestige, Rubbish, Dirt, Trash, Filth, Garbage, Waste, Sewage, Effluent, Slime, Grime, Faeces, Fæces, Faecal Matter, Fæcal Matter, Cockroach, Cockroaches, Housefly and/or Houseflies; are not ultimately used to make the Juju known as “power”, “clever” and/or “educated”; hence the “need” for the drug-induced delusions, and the larceny, narcissism and sarcasm.

At best, instances and combinations of, in ascending order of precedence and prestige, Rubbish, Dirt, Trash, Filth, Garbage, Waste, Sewage, Effluent, Slime, Grime, Faeces, Fæces, Faecal Matter, Fæcal Matter, Cockroach, Cockroaches, Housefly and/or Houseflies; could be used to make the Juju known as “stupid criminal”; as anyone who’s encountered a Victoria Island Cockroach or an Abujan Housefly, will attest.

This means quite simply that black African women are being conned, schnai’d and hoodwinked into attempting to buy the Juju know as “power”, “clever” and/or “educated”, while actually receiving the Juju known as “stupid criminal”. ***For the purposes of this preceding claim, I have taken into account the possibility of buying extra or exogenous Juju to bolster the Juju conveyed through the instance of the polyester hair extension product and/or products.***

This is a terrible state of affairs, because the Juju known as “stupid criminal” does nothing other than march its host through trouble and into prison. Further to which the Juju known as “stupid criminal” attracts other instances of the Juju known as “stupid criminal”, thus locking the black African women hosts into relationships with irresponsible and uncaring men. This does not bode well for people trying to escape the cycle of inflation, unemployment and stagflation.

The Juju known as “stupid criminal” is not designed to enable its host to thrive, but rather to ensnare its host in problems, that bring the host into buying more instances and combinations of the Juju known as “stupid criminal”. It’s that simple. Hosts of the Juju known as “stupid criminal” become locked into a cycle of poverty from which they cannot escape, because they continuously reinforce the hosted Juju known as “stupid criminal” whilst attempting to buy themselves out of it.

Thus we are left to ponder whether inviting the woman herself and the “stupid criminal” who’s abusing the woman herself is wise at all, because while it guarantees that you will get the whole of the black African woman, in toto, it also guarantees that you will be legitimizing the status of the “stupid criminal” in the life of the black African woman, which is patently undesirable.

For a long time now it has been argued that Juju ultimately made from, in ascending order of precedence and prestige, Rubbish, Dirt, Trash, Filth, Garbage, Waste, Sewage, Effluent, Slime, Grime, Faeces, Fæces, Faecal Matter, Fæcal Matter, Cockroach, Cockroaches, Housefly and/or Houseflies; should be free of charge, simply because it is worthless in terms of the imperative of human development, and because it propagates and proliferates poverty.

The fact remains however that there is a concerted effort being made to trap black African women into states of poverty, from which they will never escape. And that this is happening with the consent of black African women, who subscribe to the fashionability of hair extensions. No better argument can be made for the au naturel splendour of the Afro, without hair extensions, than this.

So please don’t buy your way into inescapable poverty, at the mere suggestion of a quick, easy and cheap route to “power”, “clever” and “educated”. There is no such thing, and there never will be, ever.

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